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I was intrigued by a recent article in the New York Times quoting a PEW Research report that found that wives are now the primary breadwinner in 22 percent of couples, (up from 7 percent in 1970) and that this shift has had a positive impact on marriage stability…
The report states that since women are less dependent on marrying men with higher incomes or social status, they more often opt to marry for love, resulting in more sustainable, equitable and happy marriages.
This report rebuts a belief held by most men and women I talk to – that relationships where the woman earns more or is more educated, generally result in failure. ”The statistics show that typically, the more economic independence and education a woman gains, the more likely she is to stay married. And in states where fewer wives have paid jobs, divorce rates tend to be higher, according to a 2009 report from the Center for American Progress.”
What do you think? Should overeducated working girls kick up their heels and rejoice?
Stronger marriages are always good. But I wonder what facts like these mean in light of the many studies showing that despite being more educated, more happily employed, closing gender pay gaps, and transcending stereotypes about the role and realm of women, women today are less happy than they were decades ago; men, on the other hand, are happier.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20dowd.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcus-buckingham/whats-happening-to-womens_b_289511.html
Still trying to wrap my head around the paradox.
Kim
Kim, you raise a GREAT point! I have often pondered this paradox as well.
First, I think it is important to unpack this “happiness” thing we are all so obsessed with getting more out of in life. The rub here is that most of us still believe that if we have certain things in life (like a husband) or do certain things (like get a good paying job) we will be happy. All these studies continue to challenge that core hypothesis (especially for us women) by concluding that happiness is not directly correlated to being in a good marriage, making more money or having more degrees. In fact, as Marcus Buckingham’s study points out, happiness has a lot more to do with our internal outlook, than our external circumstances – that is our personal state of mind. The happiest women (according to Marcus): 1) accept who they are, 2) don’t juggle, but select a few things and draw them in close, 3) strive for fullness not “balance” and 4) act on what invigorates them and let go of what doesn’t. I don’t know about you, but I surely don’t have all those characteristics down cold, but one thing I am reassured by is the fact that they are all within my reach… and yours too!
I am the breadwinner in our marriage. We’re equally educated, but my field pays more.
I think we should rejoice. I think its empowering to know that women help make the financial decisions and can make purchases without asking their hubby for the money first.
I think this does lead to happier marriages because each party can feel like they contribute to their financial decisions and are also financially independent. My parents always told me that one key to a successful marriage is “Never argue about money”. So if you mange your own money – you won’t have to argue.
My friends make fun of my husband and I because we keep separate bank accounts. We agree who is going to pay what bills based on income and foot for a bill back and forth for things that pop up…but this way, we can’t fault eachother for getting takeout “one too many times” when we need to get the car fixed. If one person blows through their money before pay day – it’s their fault for being careless…and if it’s because of a surprise expense, the other can pick up the tab. It’s works.
Alissa, I like how you think. Seems as if you and the hubby have things worked out…which is saying a lot about the strength of your bond and your ability to communicate with each other. I especially like how you have not let what your friends think influence what you know to be the best way for you and your hubby as it relates to managing your finances. Thanks for sharing!
Alissa,
I also appreciate your sharing how you and your husband balance money in your family, and I wish more women would be open about this issue. I know it’s a very personal and private matter for people – and certainly with reason. But given the ever-changing expectations of gender roles in our generation, I think we could all stand to benefit from more open dialogue about how women balance money and communication in their relationships.
Kim